Found on a Butler computer: “I seen her all crusty make up and sweaty pits. She don’t shower. Not often.”

5 May

I am currently in Butler Library, working on a paper. When I wanted to open up a document from the Temp folder, I found a ridiculous doc titled “Handjobs.” It’s 6 pages of dialogue between unnamed characters. See excerpts below:

How come I got a girl then?

Cause she got some kinda weird thing for stank breath. I don’t know.

And you got no girl.

I got no girl by choice. Girls’re no good.

What’re you, gay?

Nonono. Girls just ask to much. Always botherin you about callin em and takin em to movies and touchin em.

Yeah but touchin em’s the good part.

Sometimes, but what if you wanna like play ball, and all she wants is for you to like hang out and touch her in her room and the whole place smells like vanilla?

Are we talkin about someone in particular?

Nah, just like, imagine her room smells like vanilla cause it probably does cause they all do.

Mel’s room don’t smell like vanilla.

Yeah cause she don’t take showers.

She does too.

I seen her all crusty make up and sweaty pits. She don’t shower. Not often.

You can’t come. Sides you couldn’t get a handjob even if you wanted one!

I don’t want one.

Then why you coming?

I don’t know.

So you got no reason at all.

I don’t know. I just wanna come.

But you can’t. There’s no reason for a girl to come to the place where guys go to get handjobs. So we just bring you. How we s’posed to explain to Misty that we got this girl? What, you wanna watch?

I don’t wanna watch.

Good, cause that’d be gross.

I don’t wanna watch. I just, I’m bored.

You gotta watch me.

You don’t need to be watched.

But what if I got raped?

No one wants to rape you.

That’s not true. I bet there’s lotsa guys that would want to rape me. You might want to rape me, right Dexter?

No. (Beat) I mean, not that…No.

See, Dexter would rape you.

Dexter would not rape you if you were the last girl on earth. ‘Sides, Dexter’s got other girls he needs to be sexin.

Really? I heard Melanie Smith broke up with him.

I’m right here.

I heard she broke up with you.

She did.

So who you gonna be sexin?

None of your business.

Break up/Bball
Daisy Enters/wants to hang out
Store to buy beer and flowers
Creek to drink beer and build up courage
Shane in house with lady…wants romance
Dexter and Daisy flirt and play house
Shane reenters and encouraged Dexter to do it (after Dex enters, he tells Daisy to shut up and give him a beer after she pesters him for details)
Dexter and lady talk/she does him
Creek as Dexter exits and they send Daisy off for cheesies
Dexter and Shane talk about it and fight
Shane exits
Dexter is alone
Daisy reenters with burgers and asks Dexter about it
They talk
They kiss
The end.

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4 Responses to “Found on a Butler computer: “I seen her all crusty make up and sweaty pits. She don’t shower. Not often.””

  1. Alix May 5, 2009 at 11:25 pm #

    I love how this is just an excerpt. THIS IS OF HOMERIAN LENGTHS.

    • bookishjoy May 5, 2009 at 11:26 pm #

      i know.

      ah, creativity. ah, columbia.

  2. Shane May 6, 2009 at 1:44 am #

    My favorite: “Shane in house with lady…wants romance”

    • bookishjoy May 6, 2009 at 2:02 am #

      haha thought you would enjoy that 😉

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