Problem:

4 May

It’s finals time.

Every time I start a long-ish paper that isn’t about history—e.g. where the content isn’t available so easily—I have a pseudo-identity crisis. My fingers quiver as they touch the keys, because I am focused, inadvertently, on a lack of creativity. A lack of ability to make words flow the way I want them to. A dearth of ideas that are pleasing and legitimate. A fear that I cannot craft a work worth all that paper; a structure that won’t tip over and shatter, with misplaced clauses dispersing like wood shavings under the influence of a lawnmower.

Because really, what do I have to say about T. S. Eliot that has never been said? How can I write about Margaret Cavendish for an entirety of 20 pages and still actually say something useful?

My lack of productivity stems from the nerves surrounding these questions. I don’t quite understand, because I used to be fair, even good at English papers. But now I can hardly start. Now my mind seems sapped, a dull, arid wasteland, where inspiration is short-lived because of a lack of belief in my ability to extend them past a snappy thesis statement.

Ah, well. I’ll just try again tomorrow.

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2 Responses to “Problem:”

  1. Ray May 5, 2009 at 1:14 am #

    “…with misplaced clauses dispersing like wood shavings under the influence of a lawnmower. ”

    Joy, you’ve got style on your side. And a lawnmower. And me.Don’t worry. 🙂

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